Pregnancy & Presence

I don’t know where I have been the last 7 ½ months. Working? Organising? Preparing? Thinking? Growing a baby? It has flown by in the blink of an eye and I have never really understood time in the way that I do now, with a child growing inside your belly, counting down the days until her big first gasp of breath into this world, looking to you for all her guidance and love…

…processing that kind of responsibility.

It’s more to think about than I thought, not necessarily all consuming thought, but I spend a lot of time just with her, in my belly, than I ever thought I was capable of. When I am not at work or outside on the farm, I have enjoyed being quiet, with my body and resting in a way I never have before. A sense of peace that comes with not feeling like you must be doing or proving something, but just that by creating this little life, that right now is enough.

There is the energy factor too. Not so much physically, but mentally as well. For me, since I first saw those two pink lines on the stick, I have been preparing for how I want this birth to go. How I want to hold my own power, my womanhood and how I want her to not only be nurtured through the womb, but also how I want to prepare to bring her into the world.

It’s no secret that I am a little hippy about things like this.

I have spent the last 7 months showering her with organic goodness, removing all chemicals from my beauty routine and home and taking this time to really live as purely as possible – in mind, body and spirit.

I also began down a path of a natural, no intervention, drug free birth.

Through reading, talking to doulas, seeking acupuncture, oesteopaths and visualization/breathing techniques…I began to prepare (much to the opinons of others at times!) for what I envision to be best for me, for us. But this is how I wanted it, the most pure way to bring my baby girl onto this earth.

But it seems that even the best laid plans, well, don’t always go to plan. Little complications in my pregnancy are popping up left and right now that we are getting closer and I am having to tackle the thought of not having a natural child birth at all, and more so an early, surgical induced arrival of my little bub. They say it is always the most important thing that the baby and mama are safe, plenty of women have done this and they will tell you they have been more than fine in the end, but there is an element of grief that comes along with letting go of the connected birth you aspired to, what this process of womanhood meant to you and being in touch with your body that makes just saying “it will be fine” a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

I will know more in a week or two, I will do what I can through natural therapies to continue to support the life I am carrying and the vision of birth that I want, but at the end of the day, it will be what it will be and I will begin to walk on those stepping stones in front of me regardless, just like many women before me have done – because being present for her arrival, calm and positive for her arrival, focused on her arrival – they all land me in the same place…and surely there is a crystal for a complicated delivery?!

Fear has no place in pregnancy, but positive energy has a whole heap of room.

So I guess that is where I have been for the past 7 months! Present. Present in my myself, my thoughts, with my growing baby and with me and with my husband. Completely and totally present in the here and now, and while I haven’t been as present in documenting the Farm & Pretty life through blogging recently, you can guarantee I am living it … just through my own eyes at the moment vs. a screen or site traffic or social media likes.